MHM Magazine

The first question I get asked as the author of this book is why bullying? Quite simply, after writing my previous book which highlighted 11 people’s lived experiences with various mental health issues, the one topic which reoccurred during interviews was bullying. Whether at school, home, the workplace and of course online, I realised this needed more research and exposure. With Lundbeck’s encouragement and backing I was able to spend valuable time researching this topic which we decided to break into four categories: teen/school bullying; relationship bullying; workplace bullying and social media bullying. This latter category, given how it’s insidiously woven into the very fabric of our society, runs through every chapter of the book. Perhaps the hardest part of writing this book was actually getting people to open up to me on their bullying experiences, insisting on anonymity to protect themselves – against further bullying! When I did interview people I could sense just how tough it was for them to relate their experiences to me. They felt ashamed that they’d allowed themselves to be bullied. Another question I’m asked is what do I think is the worst area of bullying? There is no one area, but social media definitely has seen this scourge increase with a powerful, subsequent impact. In my previous book ‘Surfacing’ a number of the interviewees related how when they were bullied at school at least when they went home and closed the door on the outside world they felt ‘safe’. These days that doesn’t exist, as social media follows you wherever you are. It also makes bullying easier because the bully is able to hide behind a screen. Teen bullying This is where social media plays a massive role and where bullying rather than being an ‘in your face’ experience takes on a whole new look. For instance a teen goes online over a weekend and immediately sees a group of their school mates having fun at a party. A party they weren’t invited to! This type of exclusion is just as bad as a slap in the face as that child has to go back to school the next day aware of being left out… One of the most horrific, but I discovered not uncommon features of teen bullying, is when sexting goes horribly wrong. Imagine discovering your 11 year old daughter has texted nude photos of herself to her ‘boyfriend’, who when they break up then proceeds to send these out to his social media group, which could be vast. This girl, at 11 years old may well feel her life is over – and as we’re seeing more and more, decides life is no longer worth living. A growing factor in the rise of teen suicide. The role of schools The first thing I did when I began my research was to email various well- known high schools to ask permission to speak to teachers and pupils. I received one reply only – from the wonderful Westerford High School in Cape Town, who were enormously helpful in this regard. The rest – as far as they were concerned didn’t have a problem. What I came to realise was that it was all about their protecting their brand. They felt if they participated in this project it would look as though they had a problemwith bullying, which of course all schools have. After speaking to schools, parents and teachers the main issues are: lack of willingness to take real responsibility for bullying; communication between all parties; understanding just where teens are with social media. Relationship bullying This has been going on since the first caveman grabbed his spouse by her By Marion Scher Author of Big Bully: An Epidemic of Unkindness BIG BULLY AN EPIDEMIC OF UNKINDNESS Issue 5 | 2023 | MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS | 31 MHM