MHM Magazine

Understanding Abortion Grief Abortion grief is a profound emotional response that follows the conscious decision to terminate a pregnancy. It is akin to other forms of grief associated with death, with the unique aspect being that it involves grieving for someone we never met, someone who we personally chose to delay their entrance into this world. This grief often manifests as sadness, guilt, anger, loneliness, a loss of identity, and confusion stemming from unresolved emotions about the pregnancy. According to an article by South Avenue Women's Services, this type of grief is also referred to as disenfranchised grief. This term describes grief that is not openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially sanctioned. In such situations, the loss is often ignored, minimised, or even considered unjustified by others. The need for open discussions I believe it’s crucial to have more extensive discussions about abortion grief. Its stigmatisation, especially in African communities, requires urgent attention. Those affected often suppress their emotions, bottling up feelings that need to be expressed. This suppression can result in conscious or unconscious self- destructive behaviours or the development of mental illnesses such as depression. However, it's important to note that not every woman experiences this grief in the same way. Emotional and psychological responses can vary based on individual circumstances, pre-existing mental health conditions, family issues, and religious beliefs. My personal journey In May 2023, I had an abortion. It was a dark and challenging period in my life. The initial joy I felt upon discovering my pregnancy soon gave way to anxiety as I considered my circumstances, including my relationship with the father, my financial situation, health, and education. After a doctor confirmed my pregnancy and explained the risks and restrictions associated with it, I decided to terminate the pregnancy. The aftermath of abortion- a personal experience of grief. The days following the abortion were filled with a sense of loss and suicidal thoughts. In the aftermath of an abortion, one of the most profound effects is the emotional numbness that engulfs you. It's akin to a blanket feeling, a trance-like state where nothing seems to matter anymore. Things that once bothered you cease to have any impact, and even the warmth of love, especially towards young children, seems to fade away. It's not a feeling of hatred or negativity, but rather a numbing sensation that leaves you indifferent. This numbness extends to the love you have for your inner child. The love and kindness that you once had for her seem undeserved now. The inner child, once vibrant and lively, is now quieter than ever. Nothing triggers this feeling more than the sound of a baby's cry. It's a stark reminder of the life that could have been, the love that could have been shared, and the warmth that could have been felt. As the weeks pass, the desire to run away from this reality becomes stronger. Small things start to disturb you. The sight of a pregnant woman lovingly rubbing her stomach, the joyous anticipation of a new life brings tears to your eyes. You start to feel like you have missed out on a significant experience, an experience that was meant for you. The conflict within you grows, especially when you're alone. Seeking help: coping and healing As time went on, I searched for support groups and counsellors specialising in abortion grief counselling but I couldn’t find any in my area. Eventually, I found a counsellor who agreed to online sessions. These sessions, which continue to this day, have brought significant change into my life. The grief and numbness that had once consumed me began to disappear, replaced by a gradual sense of hope and healing. This transformation was not spontaneous, but the result of countless hours spent in counselling, and on convincing myself that eventually I would see and feel the difference only if I committed for a bit longer. It was in these therapy sessions that I found a safe space to express my deepest fears, regrets, and sorrows. As time went on, I learnt various ways to cope with my grief. I started journaling, learning new skills, and created a memory box for myself and my unborn child. I also found solace in nature, collecting shells from the beach to store in the memory box. ABORTION GRIEF LIVING WITH... By Anonymous MHM | 2024 | Volume 11 | Issue 2 | Living With Abortion Grief MHM Issue 2 | 2024 | MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS | 37 MHM