MHM Magazine

28 | MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS | 2025 | Issue 1 MHM Story by Nhlanhla Mkhabela As I lay in the hospital bed, clutching the sheet covers tightly around me, I felt like I was living a nightmare. At 16 years old, I was already aware that my body didn't conform to societal norms. My birth certificate said I was female, but my physical appearance told a different story. I had developed masculine features, and it was clear that I didn't fit into the traditional mold of femininity. The hospital ward was a hostile environment, where the other patients would stare and whisper to each other whenever I dared to emerge from under the covers. I felt like a freak who didn't deserve to exist. My family's visits were a source of comfort, but even they didn't understand what I was going through. I would beg them to draw the curtains around my bed, just so I could have a few moments of peace without being gawked at. The doctors and nurses seemed oblivious to my distress, or perhaps they just didn't know how to handle someone like me. I felt like I was compromising my health just to avoid drawing attention to myself. I would tell the doctors that I was fine, just so they would leave me alone. But deep down, I was terrified. I didn't know what was happening to my body, or why I was developing in a way that didn't seem "normal." It wasn't until I turned to Google that I began to uncover some answers. I typed in search terms like "girl with boy's structure," "girl with no breasts," and "girl with beard." The results were overwhelming, but they also gave me a sense of hope. I realised I wasn't alone, that there were others out there who were going through similar experiences. As I delved deeper, I discovered that I was intersex, a term referring to individuals born with physical or biological sex characteristics that don't fit typical definitions of male THE AGONY OF HIDING: MY JOURNEY AS AN INTERSEX INDIVIDUAL LIVING WITH... MHM | 2025 | Volume 12 | Issue 1 | Living With H