MHM Magazine

Life is a fascinating thing, it can be filled with awe, wonder and beauty but at the same time tragedy, hardship and strife. We literally don’t know what could be around the corner for us, in a universe of infinite possibilities where anything can happen, sometimes it’s what you least expect which can have a profound impact on your life and push you to your limits, a true test of the soul. This has been the case for me dealing with schizophrenia. Growing up I never would have thought this is how my life would have turned out, but here we are and all you can do is try your best with the cards you’ve been dealt. So how did this all begin? It started with a love affair with marijuana, a relationship that had innocent and sweet beginnings but soon went south. I was no stranger to marijuana, but when I attended university our relationship went to a whole new level and I was using daily. This was fine to begin with but slowly I noticed some drastic shifts within me, fear and paranoia started to creep in. I didn't know this at the time but this was the beginning of my psychosis and the start of a very long and arduous chapter in my life. Eventually I had a full-blown psychotic break and at this point I‘d noticed some internal shifts that couldn’t be ignored. What was once a mind filled with wonder, imagination, rationality and optimism was now completely scrambled, fractured, bizarre and quite frankly downright insane. Suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking, not even for one second and I was so in my head I lost touch with reality. The basics of being present in the moment were an impossibility for me as every waking moment was filled with broken thought with no escape. This mental experience has gone on for 13 years now with no break. The other and most frustrating aspect of my schizophrenia was that I lost the ability to feel emotion. I’d become a hollow, void version of myself. However, I believe this might SCHIZOPHRENIA: A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL LIVING WITH... MHM | 2025 | Volume 12 | Issue 3 | Living With MHM Issue 3 | 2025 | MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS | 29 MHM