MHM Magazine

I started life as a very awkward and fearful child, as I grew upmy shyness grewwith me, at 8 my parents sold everything up and we moved onto a yacht where I was home schooled for 3,5 years. This added tomy terminal uniqueness andmy belief of when I go to a normal school everything will be ok, once again belief in outside things are going to fix my internal dilemma. Of course when we came back it haveme temporary relief but this did not last. When I discovered drugs my life changed, they were my solution, they solved all my problems, for a short while. I started needingmore andmore and usingmore regularly, by matric I couldn't function without them... At 18 I was put into a treatment centre, I was introduced to NA when in the treatment center. Unfortunately I only stayed clean for a very short while, when I left the center my disease resurfaced. I could not stop using and when I'm not using I can't stop thinking about using, I was living in self will run riot. I couldn't go on as I was, I was ill, my parents had disownedme, was broke and broken had nothing to live for and too scared to kill myself in case I survived. I put self-will aside and went back to Narcotics Anonymous and decided to follow the suggestions of those in NA completely. I was told if you want what we want, do what we did, I was so desperate that I did just that, nomatter how uncomfortable it was. I have done that now for the past 4 years and if I continue to do what I did yesterday, today I know I will be ok. Today I truly amblessed with a life beyondmy wildest dreams! I am 24 years old and 4 years clean, my life is not boring as I believed it would be without drugs, it is far from, I have developed themost amazing friendships, I finished college, and ama responsible productivemember of society, I amcapable of holding down jobs, startingmy own business, followingmy passions, I can live like a normal 24 year old except for the fact that I don't usemind altering substances, I can go on surf trips, yoga retreats, artist evenings and go to gigs! I really amblessed by something I don't need to define or understand with a truly amazing life beyondmy wildest dreams, so long as I remain in fit spiritual condition, by doing a bunch of things I didn't at first believe would work for me, so long as I follow this way I have nothing to fear... My name is Lee and I am an addict Well before finding the programof NA I can say that I was lost. Nothing in my life worked. I couldn't hold down a job for very long. I messed up every good relationship I had. My life was just a cycle of one crisis after another, frombeing arrested to not having a place to stay, not havingmoney for food to owing peoplemoney, being in trouble at work and the like. I had been trying to stop taking drugs for years with no success. The longest I could stay clean was probably around twomonths. My disease has brought me tomy knees more than once. I've lost jobs, relationships and once in a lifetime opportunities. I've had to start all over again having lost everything includingmy reputation. Each time believing that this would be a new beginning. I've known for a long time that I aman addict but I never knew I was powerless. I guess that's what kept me coming back to the drugs all the time. Since coming into the program I've realized that my life was unmanageable way before I started using drugs. And that the drugs were just another symptomof this unmanageability. I remember constantly being in trouble with my teachers for not doingmy homework throughout my whole schooling career. And in primary school I would constantly fake an illness so that I could be sent to the sick room andmy parents would be called to pick me up. Nor was I any good at sports. I never really learnt the skill of working at something and seeing it through. I can see the pattern of how these character defects have been carried through tomy adulthood. My disease is a disease of not being able to handle life on life's terms. I've learnt a lot about myself since coming into the rooms of NA. Walking intomy first meetingmade an impression on me that I will never forget. It was the first time I actually felt like I belong. Amember in that first meeting shared that there is a difference between abstinence and recovery. That really resonated with me. The warmth, love and acceptance I felt in that meetingmademe want to keep coming back, so I did. And that decision has since proven to be the best decision of my life. I've since learnt that simply finding the programof NA and going to meetings is not enough. My disease is incurable and progressive in nature. In this regard I have to constantly and consistently work the program. Working the program for memeans speaking tomy sponsor on a regular basis, going to meetings, working the steps and applying them tomy everyday life, doing service and cultivating a relationship with a higher power. The first step has been critical in helpingme understand why it is I must follow the program. My name is Vuka and I am an addict. In admitting that I ampowerless I've come to terms with the fact that as an addict, using drugs quite simply does not end well for me nomatter how hard I try to use successfully. I've also learnt to identify my life's unmanageability in seeing how I just don't have the tools to navigate everyday life situations even with my best thinking. This is why I need the NA programme to helpme navigatemy way through the situations that life throws at me. All in all it hasn't been easy but it's definitely been worth the effort. I can't say that I'manywhere near perfect, but the change that I've seen in myself is profound. The value of having a sponsor, who is a recovering addict just likeme, who is there for me to helpme through the process of applying the steps in my daily life is absolutely priceless. And going tomeetings regularly to engage with other addicts on our experience strength and hope keeps me constantly in touch with my roots. I've gotten the opportunity to do service by carrying the message to a kids home once amonth which has been a truly humbling and fulfilling experience. Andmy relationship with my higher power has grown in leaps and bounds as I see himcome through for me on a daily basis. Not only that, my life outside the program has been enriched. I can now, for the first time in my life, live a dignified existence. I don't make much money but I'mmaking an honest living. Through the program I'm learningmore and more everyday how to handle the things that come with life on life's terms like deadlines at work, a healthy relationship with my wife, paying rent, budgeting and family responsibilities. Through the programme of NA I'm slowly learning to become an up standing member of society. The best part of NA for me is its accessibility. Themoney that I earn at my job is barely enough for me the cover all of my expenses, let alone travel to face to facemeetings. But with the online community at the touch of my fingertips I'mable to do recovery from the comfort of my home or anywhere I happen to be for that matter. If it wasn't for the online community I wouldn't be able stay in touch with the programas much as I need to. I attend an onlinemeeting every second day of the week. This has given me amuch needed respite from themadness in my own head and has been critical tomy being able to continue on this journey of recovery. Thank you NA.