MHM Magazine

Issue 4 | 2021 | MENTALHEALTHMATTERS | 29 MHM Bennie, a 34-year-old male came to therapy because he constantly felt overwhelmed by guilt and shame. He often engages in infidelity and feels guilty saying, “women are just so easily accessible.” In resting periods, he feels disconnected from female figures (including his wife) and this makes him feel alienated. As a child, he constantly attempted to feel close to his mother, whom he describes as being emotionally cold, distant and dismissive toward him. He felt powerless in attempts at trying to control her responses to his longing for emotional nurturance from her. He constantly engages in infidelity to feel a sense of omnipotence; through this he feels a sense of self-worth. He lies to his wife about having to work late most nights. His wife is beginning to suspect that he is having an affair and he feels stuck. He’s often late for work and his boss called his wife a few times to ask why he failed to show up for work. Bennie reported needing help because his sexual practices are beginning to impair his daily functioning, and he’s afraid of the detrimental consequences. Sexual excitement, in recent years has become ‘distanced’ from what was considered loving feelings, associated with deep, meaningful relationships, what may be termed intimacy. To a greater degree, sexual content is more explicit and easily accessible due to social media which includes easy access to pornography. DEFINING SEX ADDICTION Sexual motivation is a fundamental human behaviour, but may also have a compulsive variant. Sex becomes an addiction when it has an obsessive-compulsive nature. Obsessions are recurring thoughts (or fantasies) that feel intrusive to the individual. They bear the quality of being anxiety-provoking, therefore we engage in behaviours, or compulsions such as risky sexual activities to ward off this anxiety. When sexual activity is being used as a response or defense mechanism to existential difficulties, it bears potential to become an addiction. This becomes problematic because the individual develops dependency on the activity, which causes suffering to self and others. Continuous repetitive sexual relations and sexual partners are perceived as objects merely to be used for self-serving purposes. UNDERSTANDING THE ROOT OF SEX ADDICTION Sex addiction often stems from underlying feelings of abandonment in childhood that occurs during a transitional phase of separating from parental figures. Sexual activities act as an attempt to repair a defect in oneself that is connected to an incapacity to manage and experience painful emotional states. The activity or the fantasy (obsession) serves to help the individual feel alive and intact, in terms of their self-concept when the By Jon Pedrosa Clinical Psychologist SEX ADDICTION