MHM Magazine

28 | MENTALHEALTHMATTERS | Issue 5 | 2021 MHM minute she opens the door, her mind shifts from work to me. “Personal and professional boundaries are really important. There will always be work, late-night calls, and real emergencies. But if I dissolve into a hot mess, I’m no good to anyone.” She says we can’t build resilience if we don’t admit there are issues. “We get so caught up in work and the next crisis we forget we’re dealing with people at every level. Look at each colleague, leader, each carer as a person, an individual with their own anxieties and struggles. Let them know you’re thankful, that they’re doing ‘enough’, that they’re ‘enough’.” Laura Bergh of the Green Light Office says that as carers we’re trained to pick up undercurrents of emotion, our antennae are tuned to pick up trauma, anxiety and hurt. “We’re not salespeople attuned to buy and sell cycles – we’re attuned to the language of emotion.” The more emotion comes our way, the more attuned we are to pick it up, and the more exposed we are to it. She says it’s important to remember that our brains don’t have on-off buttons so we have to implement specific boundaries. “Don’t underestimate the power and the effects of secondary and vicarious trauma. It’s very real.” 1. Cut down on social media. “Checking social media to ‘catch up on what’s happening in the world is really not a good idea,” says Bergh. This opens up another channel of pain and hurt. Algorithms will literally feed you what you’re attuned for. 2. Debrief regularly with people you trust. “Your emotions, feelings and reactions shouldn’t be held on to – they must flow through you.” 3. Watch your health and remember your mental and emotional health directly affects your psychical health. “We often don’t realise we’re taking on so much secondary trauma, we think it doesn’t affect us – but, believe me, it does!” If you’re not healthy, you’re not helping anyone. It’s a very South African thing to feel we got off lightly and feel we feel traumatised, scared or angry be- cause others had it so much worse. This guilt can be hard to deal with. According to Penny Mathumba, guilt will always be there should you choose it and allow it. But compar- ing yourself (or your situation) with someone else’s takes away your valid experiences, emotions and feelings. “Be mindful of what people say to you – often it’s their inabil- ity to support or respond. People may try to put guilt on you but your feelings of shock, hurt, anger are always valid, real and always ok.” In conclusion, we all need to change the language we use, the way we see others and the language of human connectedness. Feeling guilt is a good thing – it shows you care and have compassion. We really need to let ourselves and others know that it’s OK not to be OK.