MHM Magazine

44 | MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS | Issu3 2 | 2022 MHM WHAT EMDR DID FOR ME IS: • String all my trauma memory fragments together to form a full cohesive memory • Put the now cohesive memory into context of my past trauma and allowing my mind to process it ‘normally’ (where it couldn’t before) • The memory is now less triggering and my brain can store it in some ‘folder’ or delete it all together and lastly • See the past as the past and the present for what it is now. Since 2016, new information on FND and the functioning of the brain-mind dynamic slowly filtered through on the Internet. YouTube became my ally, and when I first heard of the concept of neuroplasticity, a big storm cloud lifted from my shoulders! No more doom-and-gloom. It gave me the opportunity to search for my own answers and the possibility to live and feel alive again. The work by Dr Peter Levine (trauma releasing exercises) and the book by Dr Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score, helped me to listen to my body and to develop a keen knowledge of what I need, and when I need it. The knowledge about developing new neural pathways drove me to unpack all my board games and puzzles. Little by little, I could extend my mental faculties and slowly regain better functioning (processing language, building connections, spark creativity etc.). Coincidently, my husband and I started re-watching our favourite sci-fi shows, Star Trek: The Next Generation and Voyager in particular. In an odd way, the series and characters allowed me to find the language to describe my trauma and experiences to my family. It provided me with new ways of viewing my trauma because I could identify with the trials and tribulations of certain characters, as they overcame their ordeals and setbacks. In terms of improving my physical strength and exercises, housework seems to be doing it for me. It’s my gauge to monitor myself and become aware of my limitations. To compartmentalise the work into doable chunks, or as I prefer to call it, Galactic Quadrants. Getting the balance just right is the trick, without suffering a huge crash and a longer resting period. WHERE DO I FIND MYSELF TODAY? I can manage well on my own, with occasional psychotherapy sessions. I still zone out from time to time, but I am able to bring myself back to the present. Performing two tasks at the same time sometimes causes my brain to malfunction. For example, I can’t clean my house and listen intently to someone talking to me whilst cleaning. Other activities include taking up creative projects, engaging in energy healing practices and Qigong (an ancient Chinese exercise programme to help optimise energy within the body mind and spirit. Finding Dr Jon Stone’s FND work on YouTube and the Neurosymptoms FND App serve as confirmation to what I have experienced, felt in my body or thought about. I found validation, compassion, acceptance and a great understanding of the subject. My family can now better understand me in my darkest hour when I tell them I’m ok, while having a blank, distant or painful episode. It’s normally: “How can you say you’re fine when you have pain at a score of 10?” And I’m going in my head: “Ok, I’m feeling “xyz” which was triggered by “abc” so therefore I should do “def” soothing exercise.” A message that stood out clearly for me is to pace myself on the very good days, try to do some activity on the bad days and rest enough to avoid a huge crash. I hope my story can help others in their journey. Thank you so much for your support Dr Stone and colleagues. Aubrey uses creative home projects to express herself. This is an illustration that she composed as an outlet for her emotions.