MHM Magazine

46 | MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS | 2022 | Issue 5 MHM My story may or may not be the same as many others. This is my experience – one that’s still happening. I’m only at the beginning of my healing process. Did I know I might have a heart attack? I think in the back of my mind the possibility always existed. Like so many others we chose to ignore our family history. This was our lives to live without fear. Then one day many years ago my boyfriend decided we should take the next step and get married. I spoke to my then boss the next day in tears. I told him I could never get married or have children. How could I be so selfish to give them an inheritance of high cholesterol? He asked how did I know that would happen? Family genetics My maternal family didn’t usually live past 50 – anything over that was seen as a bonus. At the moment my mom and her sister are the oldest in our family. My elder brother had a triple bypass by the age of 35 and passed away before his 50th. I’d had my 50th and thought, wow I’m invincible. But medical problems have been my companion the past few years, from having gallstones to getting uncontrolled type 2 diabetes. The toll of stress A few years back my mom suffered a stroke and in mid- October 2021 took a nasty fall. These things happen but the problem was she stays in a small town, 14 hours’ drive away from me with no airport nearby, which for medical emergencies is a disaster. This meant relying on medical staff to find out what was wrong with her and what treatment was she getting. Their reply was that they can’t disclose anything over the phone. This meant I wasn’t getting much sleep and was constantly stressing about what to do, particularly as this was during COVID-19 so bus travel wasn’t an option. I could have driven but I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to see her. Then they discharged her, now unable to walk or take care of herself. I scrambled to arrange a space for her in an old age home. This saw me fighting every day with doctors, hospital and medical aid - getting nowhere fast. Even as I write this my chest gets tight…. Looking back I remember falling asleep on the couch in front of the TV, which is quite normal for me. I woke up around 4am feeling pain in my arm and a stiff neck, which I put down to the way I was laying. I did a few stretches but they didn’t help. I decided to have a warm shower to relax my muscles but this didn’t help. I could feel I was clenching my jaw and within minutes the pain in my arm was so bad I couldn’t lift my arm. I got out grabbed the towel and couldn’t even dry myself. I called for my husband who was in a deep sleep and was angry because I’m was asking him to help dry me. He told me I should have known better than to fall asleep on the couch and that he had to leave for work right then. I told him I needed help to take me to hospital or to call an ambulance. He just ignored me. After throwing the towel on the bed I collapsed next to it, just being able to grab the phone and call the emergency number and getting cut off several times. Then I remember my husband next to me asking what was wrong with me. I don’t know what I replied or how I managed to get dressed. Suddenly I looked up from the bed to see a friend from a security company next to me looking pale and shocked. He called his boss to ask for permission to transport SURVIVING A HEART ATTACK LIVING WITH... Vanessa Smith