MHM Magazine

48 | MENTALHEALTHMATTERS | Issue 2 | 2021 MHM LIVING WITH... HOW SADAG AND GLOBAL SHAPERS’ LGBTI SUPPORT GROUP GIVE ME PERMISSION ‘TO BE’ LGBTQI+ FAMILY CALLS By James de Villiers LGBTI+ Family Call co-founder By Rivonia Pillay LGBTI+ Family Call co-founder The following two pieces offer insight into what it’s like to run a support group and how they can be transformative for everyone involved. W hen I was seven, in grade one in small town Ceres – two hours’ drive from the bright lights of Cape Town, I prayed that it would rain. As I was set to play my first ever rugby match, coerced into it because it was expected of all boys my age – particularly Afrikaans boys – I pleaded with God that he would open the heavens in a biblical down-pour in a bid to cancel the game. And when God finally brought the rain, He not only gave me permission to end my short-lived rugby career, but it was also the first time I felt I was given permission to be me. And from that day onward I would spend a lifetime seeking similar permission, from God, my parents and peers, to be the man I was created to be. I never quite understood this need for permission, until I launched a LGBTI+ support group alongside the formidable Rivonia Pillay, in partnership with Global Shapers and SADAG, in July. It wasn’t until a global pandemic forced the world to isolate, that I was able to connect with queer peers across South Africa and started understanding the careful balancing game I played with my existence. As much as I thought the LGBTI+ support group, attended by around 15 individuals predominantly from Gauteng virtually every second week, would be a space for me to give, I also realised just how much it has helped me grow in my own confidence. Because I spent a lifetime navigating spaces from conservative evangelical church groups, to occupation movements and working environments, testing whether it was safe for me to be unashamedly me, and seeking permission to be unashamedly me. Those who fit the gender norms of society, those who are attracted to the sex they are “supposed to be attracted to”, or those who do the things “boys are supposed to do”, probably never realise the perpetual battle of an LGBTI+ individual just to feel okay to be themselves. It’s not only a societal battle (I still recall my blue bruises in grade 8 and 9 inflicted by grade 10 boys), but also a personal battle for acceptance with most major religions telling an LGBTI+ child that they’re destined for hell. The LGBTI+ support group or what we have started calling the LGBTI+ Family Call, is therefore not a grand indoctrination scheme designed to spread queer propaganda, but simply a space for members of the LGBTI+ to be. A rare safe space, where queer individuals feel that they have permission to be unashamedly themselves. And in attending, hopefully learning to accept and love themselves in a world that tells them they don’t belong. James is joined by Rivonia Pillay as co-founder of the LGBTI+ support group. Rivonia, too, has been significantly impacted by their endeavour. During this unprecedented year, amidst many challenging situations, I had the fortunate opportunity to meet James de Villiers. James and I have been working for the last four months, with help from the incredible team at SADAG, to add some consistency, community, and conscious consideration through our LGBTQI+ Family Calls. In our preliminary discussions, we discussed the fact that an imposed lockdown, as necessary as it was, would place many LGBTQI+ persons in unfavourable situations. Chosen families and curated spaces are howmany queer people navigate a society that still, at large, considers our existence as immoral or an inconvenience. At this time, the calls to the SADAG helpline increased drastically. We knew without those