MHM Magazine

Issue 2 | 2021 | MENTALHEALTHMATTERS | 49 MHM safe spaces the mental health challenges that many people were experiencing in the global community would be exacerbated for LGBTQI+ persons. So that was our immediate goal; to create a safe space where people could meet to share experiences without judgement and to find and give support. We trained as facilitators under Krystal, SADAG’S support group coordinator, to establish the first of its kind for SADAG, the LGBTQI+ Family Calls. The calls are bi-weekly gatherings open to LGBTQI+ persons and allies, to meet, share and gain resources. We have a tradition of starting each call with an internal weather check, a tool I learned from a great facilitator, Aiden Choles. It’s our shorthand to understand where everyone is mentally and physically that day. It’s also been a great indicator to measure how impactful the calls are; were we able to shift a cloudy foggy headspace to one with blue skies. And even if we haven’t created clear skies, the group provides a place to be heard, to have people witness the clouds and storms we often feel we’re facing alone. If I still have your attention, I challenge you to do a quick weather check with your close circle/office/family etc., after you’ve read the rest of my ramblings. Since none of us are experts in every LGBTQI+ topic, we’ve hosted a few guest speakers to get as many nuanced perspectives and resources as possible. We talked about culture, religion, and queerness with Siya Khumalo, queer health with doctors from the Queer Wellness Centre, mental health with Dr. Santosh Pillay, and representation in the media with Shenay O’Brien fromWe’re Queer My Dear. All these perspectives help weave a richer tapestry than we’ve had before so more people can find themselves reflected in details and not feel as alone. The group has unintentionally become a healing space for me as well. It’s difficult to articulate, but I’ve noticed that I feel freer when I’m in queer spaces. For me, there’s an unconscious dulling of certain parts of myself, and I only really notice it when my whole self comes alive around my queer friends or in queer- friendly spaces. There is an unspoken understanding that you can only really get with people who have lived similar experiences and faced similar struggles. It’s been helpful to share difficult experiences or feelings in a space where you feel safe, whether it’s being ostracised by family or dealing with internalised hate or suicidal thoughts. To share the darkness of those experiences or feelings makes the sharing of positives so much more meaningful. It’s also been an eye opener to those of us who managed to find our chosen family. There are still many South Africans whose lives are at risk for being who they are. Priya Patel, author of The Art of Gathering, speaks about needing a clarity of purpose when meeting. Listening to all the stories makes the purpose and need for these gatherings evident during every call. I think we’re successfully creating that safe space of understanding together and we’ll work hard to maintain it. The added beauty of the call is that since we’re not spending energy trying to explain ourselves, there’s more energy to express ourselves; to learn, support, and grow. James and I have our sights set on bigger things for the community. During our preparation, after discussions with professionals in the space, we found that many of us just want more community. This is not to say that there aren’t incredible people doing tough work every day to improve the lives of LGBTQI+ people in our country, there are so many. But we aim to connect all these efforts, create different opportunities to meet and engage, and have a larger impact that becomes a lighthouse for any queer person in the country, especially if they don’t have support. There are still many boundaries that need to be pushed, and yes, we intend on doing just that. Through, yes you guessed it, consistent community building and conscious consideration of those we interact with, we hope to support more people to be able to live authentically, equip those who want to fight for a safer and more progressive world and just create more joy. This is our long-term vision and you’re invited to join along.